Love Letter to Myself, 7/1/11

Dear Kimmy,
I’m very sorry to hear you have been so stressed out lately. I know that you feel like you should be able to handle your recent difficulties better, but don’t worry! You are actually doing great!

Your family is safe and secure, fed and clothed (except for the boy), and having a fine summer. You don’t need to worry about them. They are fine!

You are doing all the right things. You are talking to people, you are asking for the help you need, and you are not smoking or drinking or doing those terribly mean, selfish, stupid things that you used to when times got hard. Because you have been so diligent in your efforts to improve your life, you have built up some real strength and you can handle this kind of stress.

It’s not your fault that you are bipolar, but it is your responsibility to treat it. And you do that beautifully! You take your meds every single night without fail, you keep your appointments with your psychiatrist and you try really hard to communicate honestly and fully about your issues, you go to group therapy, you read books about loving kindness, you try again and again to do the right thing. And you are good at it! At group therapy you lower your walls and risk being a little vulnerable, and that takes courage. By listening, sympathizing, sharing your experiences, and showing your true emotions you make yourself a part of a supportive, nurturing, encouraging circle of amazing people that are desperately trying as hard as they can to improving their lives. Not everyone does that. Not everyone gives a damn about getting better. You do, and that means something.

You are just having a tough time right now. Just keep doing what you need to do, trust that because it has gotten you out of worse problems than this, it can get you back on track again. It takes time. Your brain chemicals are a bit trickier to manage than most, so just do your best, it’s enough. The mood swings will slow down and the waves will be gentler. You will feel okay again. You don’t always feel this out of control. It will pass.

Just in case you forgot, I think you are adorable. You have been buying cuter clothes to wear, which is hard for you, and you have been making an effort to wear make-up. You have a sassy haircut. You look really cute! It makes me happy to see you taking care of yourself. You deserve it.

So take it easy. You are doing great. You’ll be alright. Your family loves playing with you, they think you are hilarious. They know you are dependable. The understand and they love you and want you to feel secure. Your friends like you. Your buddies in group trust you and look up to you. You help them! You mean a lot to a lot of people.

Hugs and kisses!

Good luck, Sweetie! I love you!

Kimberly


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